Midsummer (19th of June): my 40th birthday, you spent the day after at the ER. We didn’t know then, but the big blood clots in your leg were probably caused by your cancer.

Christmas: on the 21st of december (my brother-in-laws 40th birthday) we found out that the reason you coughed blood was not a clot in the lungs but cancer. Christmas was spent in a haze of disbelief, the starting point of 2 months of diagnostic examinations… Stage 4 kidney cancer.

Easter: you had lost your appetite and energy from the Afinitor treatment. When you got a fever we went to the ER again. Pneumonitis meant two weeks in the hospital. Oxygen. After a week the oncologist removed the Afinitor.

Valborgsmässoafton/last of April: removed all medications except the morphine and sedatives.

1:st of May: waiting. You can let go now. It’s ok. We’ll be fine.

[writing keeps me sane]